An Early Slice of My Life
My first thoughts of God, I'm sure, came from my parents and from Sunday School. I have this memory of being so small. Maybe I was 5. I barely knew how to read.
In Sunday School, using letters that you licked to stick, I spelled out "I LOVE GOD" on a small piece of construction paper. I felt like hugging that paper to myself. My small child heart overflowed. I felt a presence that I couldn't explain. And I felt joy.
Life was so simple then! I think that Kindergarten was my last simple year. Because first grade was awful. Suddenly people were unkind. Suddenly I didn't feel safe. There were rules that were hard for me to keep. Get a paper done within a certain time frame. I was just learning to form letters and numbers on paper. It didn't come fast to me yet. I had to get it done ... or ... what? I didn't know or what. I did know that the principal had a large board on his wall and it was rumored that he would use it on your behind. This was terrifying to me.
I felt my first grade teacher hated me. Maybe she just hated life and I took it personal. Still, she seemed nice to others. The kids caught on about how she felt towards me. I could sense it. One day I got a paper back - 100% correct!! I was so happy! A few girls took that paper and I could see them looking at me, and then back at the paper. They were hovering over it and I could not tell what they were doing. They changed my answer! And showed the teacher. Oh, she praised them for noticing! I got one wrong after all. Mean girls. Kids can tell when a teacher dislikes another kid. They will play to that for their own advantage. Even at 6 years of age.
Well school went downhill from that point! I hated it! And I am sure I will talk more about that another time - right now, my point was how life was nice, and I sensed the presence of God at a very young age. Then life was not so nice. But that "Presence" would whisper my name from time to time. So quietly. I just knew He was there. I mean, look at the world. The creation. A leaf. A fish. A rock! The sun on my face. The feel of the cold, cold air as I sped down a hill on a sled. Life was beautiful. Incredible. God, Your world is amazing!
One day, again when I was very small, I ran outside in a thunder and lightening storm. "Debbie get in here RIGHT NOW!!" said my mother. "Nooooo!!!" I hollered back! Then came the warning - that I could get struck by lightening and DIE! "I don't care! I'll go to heaven and see God!" KABOOM, thunder! CRACK, KABOOM!! Lightening and more thunder! I jumped a mile and ran as fast as my legs could carry me into my house. Maybe another day. Not today. Not today.
The thoughts of a child. This is the world we are born into. It is absolutely amazing, and absolutely horrible all at the same time. It's a broken world. A child cannot understand the broken. The hateful teacher; the mean kids; they all come from a broken place. A broken world. Everybody is broken in one way or another. But God is there, whispering "Come to me." There is a place of peace to be found. A place of "unbroken." A place of great love - redemption - beauty.
I have messed up so many times - if not for His redemption and forgiveness I'd be buried in a pile of past mistakes so deep, I'd never be able to crawl out. I love the line in the song So Will I "And as You speak, A hundred billion failures disappear." Where would I be without His forgiveness? Without His love? Where would any of us be? The power of His love - I know He is there, and He is anything but silent. When I look and listen.
In Sunday School, using letters that you licked to stick, I spelled out "I LOVE GOD" on a small piece of construction paper. I felt like hugging that paper to myself. My small child heart overflowed. I felt a presence that I couldn't explain. And I felt joy.
Life was so simple then! I think that Kindergarten was my last simple year. Because first grade was awful. Suddenly people were unkind. Suddenly I didn't feel safe. There were rules that were hard for me to keep. Get a paper done within a certain time frame. I was just learning to form letters and numbers on paper. It didn't come fast to me yet. I had to get it done ... or ... what? I didn't know or what. I did know that the principal had a large board on his wall and it was rumored that he would use it on your behind. This was terrifying to me.
I felt my first grade teacher hated me. Maybe she just hated life and I took it personal. Still, she seemed nice to others. The kids caught on about how she felt towards me. I could sense it. One day I got a paper back - 100% correct!! I was so happy! A few girls took that paper and I could see them looking at me, and then back at the paper. They were hovering over it and I could not tell what they were doing. They changed my answer! And showed the teacher. Oh, she praised them for noticing! I got one wrong after all. Mean girls. Kids can tell when a teacher dislikes another kid. They will play to that for their own advantage. Even at 6 years of age.
Well school went downhill from that point! I hated it! And I am sure I will talk more about that another time - right now, my point was how life was nice, and I sensed the presence of God at a very young age. Then life was not so nice. But that "Presence" would whisper my name from time to time. So quietly. I just knew He was there. I mean, look at the world. The creation. A leaf. A fish. A rock! The sun on my face. The feel of the cold, cold air as I sped down a hill on a sled. Life was beautiful. Incredible. God, Your world is amazing!
One day, again when I was very small, I ran outside in a thunder and lightening storm. "Debbie get in here RIGHT NOW!!" said my mother. "Nooooo!!!" I hollered back! Then came the warning - that I could get struck by lightening and DIE! "I don't care! I'll go to heaven and see God!" KABOOM, thunder! CRACK, KABOOM!! Lightening and more thunder! I jumped a mile and ran as fast as my legs could carry me into my house. Maybe another day. Not today. Not today.
The thoughts of a child. This is the world we are born into. It is absolutely amazing, and absolutely horrible all at the same time. It's a broken world. A child cannot understand the broken. The hateful teacher; the mean kids; they all come from a broken place. A broken world. Everybody is broken in one way or another. But God is there, whispering "Come to me." There is a place of peace to be found. A place of "unbroken." A place of great love - redemption - beauty.
I have messed up so many times - if not for His redemption and forgiveness I'd be buried in a pile of past mistakes so deep, I'd never be able to crawl out. I love the line in the song So Will I "And as You speak, A hundred billion failures disappear." Where would I be without His forgiveness? Without His love? Where would any of us be? The power of His love - I know He is there, and He is anything but silent. When I look and listen.
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